Little known facts about Saskatchewan
Rules for entering Saskatchewan - apply to everyone
1. Pull your damned droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? #1 and #16 go east and west,#6 and #2 go north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks is coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat Beef and bison. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Barbeque
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be black, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. Curling and hockey is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try our U of Sask. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
- The picture on the old one dollar bill, very old, is of Flemming Sask . T
- The word "Saskatchewan" is Cree for "What the hell am I doing here?"
(actually it's from the cree word "kisiskatchewanisipi," which means "swift-flowing river.")
- At some point in time, for reasons unexplained, every single child born in Saskatchewan will stick their tongue to a metal fence when it is 30 below out
- An exposed 12 pack of beer will freeze in 12 minutes at -35
- People from Saskatchewan are immune to the effects of Mexican water
Top Ten Reasons to Live in Saskatchewan
10) It's a damn easy province to draw
9) You don't ever have to worry about fixing your parking brake
8) People don't drive like Linda Blair having a bad period
7) Now leeches are GOOD for you!
6) Driving off the road isn't such a big deal
5) It's always Happy Hour!
4) Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3) For 8 months of the year, the dogshit is too frozen to worry about
2) Mosquitos keep you from gaining too much weight
1) YOUR Roughriders survived
And let's just put all those horrible rumours about prairie inbreeding to rest right now shall we...
Saskatchewan Wind Scale:
Wind Speed Weather Category
0-50 kmh Calm
50-100 kmh Slight air movement
100-150 kmh Light breeze
200-225 kmh Light Wind
225-250 kmh Gusty
250-300 kmh Windy
300+ kmh Hide the chickens
The Canadian National Temperature Conversion Guide:
10C = Vancouverites try to turn on the heat. Saskatchewanians plant gardens.
5C = Victorians shiver uncontrollably. Regina people sunbathe.
3C = Italian cars won't start. Regina people drive with the windows down.
0C = Distilled water freezes. Regina water gets thicker
-5C = Torontonians wear coats, gloves and wool hats. Saskatchewanians throw on a t-shirt.
-10C = Quebecers begin to evacuate the province. Saskatchewanians go swimming.
-20C = Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat. Saskatchewanians have the last cookout before it gets cold.
-25C = People in Vancouver cease to exist. Saskatoonians lick flagpoles.
-30C = Calgarians fly away to Mexico. Regina people throw on a light jacket.
-40C = Hamilton disintegrates. Regina people rent some videos which probably include those that offer tips on how to excel on pokerstars and other online gaming sites.
-60C = Mt. St. Helens freezes. Regina Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
-80C = Polar bears begin to evacuate the arctic.Saskatoon Boy Scouts postpone
"Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
-100C = Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Regina people pull down their earflaps.
-114C = Ethyl alcohol freezes. Regina people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-183C = Microbial life survives on dairy products. Saskatchewan cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-273C = ALL atomic motion stops. Saskatchewan people start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
-300C = Hell freezes over. The Saskatchewan Roughriders win the Grey Cup