• Saskatchewan Technology Recent findings
  After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
  Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: "California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
  One week later, "Moose Jaw Times Herald", a local newspaper in Saskatchewan reported the following:
  "After digging as deep as 30 meters in sagebrush fields near Moose Jaw, Ole Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Saskatchewan had already gone wireless."

• UKRAINIAN SAUSAGE
  A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Ukrainian sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Ukrainian?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?Or if I had asked for a taco wouldyou ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? " The clerk says, "Well, no." "And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" The clerk says, "Well, I probably wouldn't." With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well,all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Ukrainian just because I ask for Ukrainian sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Hardware."
• Three Albertans were working up on a cell phone tower in Alberta, Cooter, Pete and KC. As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife." KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?" "Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?" "Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Cooter's widow." She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow." Then I said "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are." Albertans Are Good At Sensitive Stuff
• A True Saskatchewan Girl
  A girl from Saskatchewan and a girl from Ontario were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Saskatchewan, being friendly and all, said, "So, where you from?" The Ontario girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Saskatchewan sat quietly for a few moments and then replied,... "So, where you from, bitch?"
• Skinny Dipping
  An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon; bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked , or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
  Moral: Old men can still think fast (even in Saskatchewan).
• The Vet
  The only cow in a small Alberta village stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the border in Saskatchewan for $200. They bought the cow from Saskatchewan and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

  Finally the cow came into season. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. 

  "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side... she walks away to the other side." 

  The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Saskatchewan?" The people were astonished, since no one had ever mentioned where they had bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How in the world did you know we acquired this cow in Saskatchewan?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Saskatchewan."

• The owner of a golf course in Saskatchewan was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
  He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Saskatchewan and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
  The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything
  but my earrings."
• A man owned a farm in Saskatchewan.
  The Labor Relations Board suspected he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.
  "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
  "Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours a day. I pay him $10 a week and buy him chewing tobacco," said the farmer.
  "That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," said the agent.
  The farmer said, "That would be me."
  
• A group of Saskatchewan friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
  
• A senior in Saskatchewan was overheard saying .. "when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Saskatchewan." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Saskatchewan because everything happens in Saskatchewan 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
  The young man from Saskatchewan came running into the store and said to his buddy,
  "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
• A married man, having spent the evening getting quite looped with his buddies, shows up at home very late. He looks quite disheveled and has a live chicken under his arm. His wife was waiting inside the door with her hands on her hips and steam coming out of her ears. 
  The husband slurs, "Here is the pig I've been screwing." 
  The wife says, "That's not a pig, you drunk idiot, it's a chicken". 
  The husband replies, "I was talking to the chicken."
• The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Alberta,"what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student.
  "And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Ontario.
  "Elation," she answered.
  "And you, sir," he said to the young man from Saskatchewan,
  "how about the opposite of woe?"
  The young man replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup."
• A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Saskatchewan. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
  The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
  The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.
  The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Saskatchewan. We settle small disagreements like this with the Saskatchewan Three Kick Rule."
  The lawyer asked, "What is the Saskatchewan Three Kick Rule?"
  The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
  The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
  The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
  The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."
  The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
• Why do you have to be careful when you hold an elevator door open for a Saskatchewan girl?
  She might hit you with the grain truck!
• Why do they only bury farmers three feet deep? So they can still get a hand out.
• Saskatchewan - where the birds fly upside down 'cuz the scenery's better.
• What is Saskatchewan's largest city?
  Calgary!
• Where was the toothbrush invented?
  Manitoba. If it was invented anywhere else it would have
  been called a teethbrush.
• How do you know when your staying in a hotel in Okotoks, Alta?
  When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my
  sink" and the person at the front desk says, "go ahead."
• Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Saskatchewan Provincial
  Lottery?
  The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
• Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Manitoba?
  Nearly everyone has the same DNA.
• Did you hear that the Premier's house in Calgary, Alberta
  burned down?
  Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
• What do a divorce in Alberta, a tornado in Saskatchewan and
  a flood in Manitoba have in common?
  Somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
• An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.
  Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?" 
  Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
  Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"
  Bessie looks again, "Nope." 
  Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT?"
  Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's different?
  It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
  Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!"
  To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam. Shoulda bought a hat" 
• An old farmer from saskatchewan passed away and was accidentally sent to Hell. Upon his arrival Satan immediately began to harass the poor man. "Hot enough for you" Satan asked? The farmer says "actually, it kinda reminds me of when I used to do my seeding in May, feels kinda good, feels kinda nice". Satan can't believe it, here's this farmer in the middle of Hell enjoying himself!! Satan runs upstairs to Hell's master control room and cranks up the heat. He finds the farmer and asks him "how do you like that"?. The farmer replies "kinda reminds me of harvesting in my open-air cab of the combine, feels kinda good feels kinda nice". Satan is beside himself, he runs back upstairs to the master control room and turns the heat off...soon there is snow flying everywhere, the molten lava is solid rock and there are huge snowdrifts everywhere. Satan looks down from his window; sure this would get to the farmer but instead he sees the farmer doing a little jig in the middle of a snowdrift. Satan runs downstairs and says "what the hell are you so happy about!!!???" The farmer says "The riders won the Grey Cup, the Riders won the Grey Cup!!!"
• Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in the UK. The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular: "At Oxford, I learned to be clean and sanitary." The man then left the bathroom in a cloud of self-satisfaction.
  The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular: "At Cambridge, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious." He then strode from the bathroom with a purposeful air.
  The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself: "In Saskatchewan, we learn not to piss on our hands."
• If you get a divorce in Saskatchewan, are you still brother and sister?
• Why don't they have daylight savings time in Saskatchewan?
  Who the hell wants to spend another hour in Saskatchewan?
• Why is it so windy in Saskatchewan?
  Because Alberta blows and Manitoba sucks!
• Saskatchewan is SO flat...
  Saskatchewan is so flat that it's the only place on the planet
  where you can moon yourself without using a mirror
• Saskatchewan is so flat... that if you stand on the horizon you can see the back of your head!
• The Cowboy
  An old cowboy, dressed in a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar, sat down, and ordered a drink. As he was sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she orderedher drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences, so I reckon I am." After a short while, he asked her what she was. She replied, "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV. Everything seems to make me think of women." A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.

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